dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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