hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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