the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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