areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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