I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
