i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
