I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
