Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
