I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
