I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
