just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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