If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
