Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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