i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
