I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
