theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
