Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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