I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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