yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize