Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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