Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
