I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
