yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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