i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
