We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
