I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
