I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
