My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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