You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
