Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
