Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
