Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
