why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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