Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
