Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
