i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
