wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize