I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
