i would punch a child for taco bell
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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