took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
