There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize