He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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