And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
