i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize