You made me cry and you don't even care
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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