i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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