Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
