did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
