high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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