Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
