everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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