were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
