dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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