I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
