I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
