I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
