I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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