I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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