PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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