Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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