She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
