I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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