handjob tips. give me some.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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