He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
