Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
