I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
