Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
